Introduction

You may be aware of my book Total Forgiveness. I
have received many letters from readers of that book. Some
of them kindly wrote to thank me for the book, but others
had their questions that they felt my book did not answer.
The most common question that readers felt my book did
not adequately deal with was the issue, "How do I forgive
myself?"
There is not a pastor, vicar, church leader, psychologist,
psychiatrist, or counselor who has not had to deal with the
question, "How can I forgive myself?" And I know that
pastors and vicars continually hear the comment, "I know
God forgives me, but I cannot forgive myself"
My own problems with totally forgiving myself are rooted
largely in my feeling of failure as a parent. As I wrote in my
book In Pursuit of His Glory, if I could turn the clock back, I
would have spent more time with our children. You have no
idea the sense of guilt I have struggled with over this. And
yet it is also what has helped me most to be sympathetic
with people who have a problem forgiving themselves.
Therefore Romans 8:28 (NKJv) comes into play here: All
things work together for good" to them that love God and
are called according to His purpose.
Perhaps you have a problem dealing with a failure, too.
Perhaps in your case it was giving up too soon and always
wondering what might have been. It could have been letting
people down, falling into sexual sin, having an abortion,
unfaithfulness in marriage, being sentenced to prison for a
crime, abusing your children, lying to your best friend, or
ruining another person's career. Perhaps you injured your
health through carelessness, wasted years with the wrong
company, gave advice that was utterly wrong, have had to
live with a strategic choice that was wrong, took the wrong
job, were abused but you blame yourself, did not listen to
concerned friends when you were overtaken with a sin-and
consequently forfeited a ministry, lost money through lack
of wisdom, did not answer the call of God on your life, or
waited too long to get right with God. The list is endless